I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
