I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
