drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
