i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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