Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Houston, we have a blender
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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