Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
