I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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