I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
