Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
