when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
