dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
