the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
