I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
