Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
