I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
