We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
