I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
