Me too!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
