then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
