I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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