I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
