i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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