It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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