new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
