Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
