I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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