It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
