Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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