Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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