So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
they're like a gay fantastic four
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
