I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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