Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
