I don't think brook has ever known best
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
