There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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