Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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