chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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