Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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