I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
