If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize