Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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