I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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