it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
