Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
