When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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