Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
