I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
