the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
