so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
