He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I AM VODKA MAN
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
