The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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