On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize