Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
