Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize