bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
