I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
