The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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