please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
