He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
