theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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