There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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