OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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