Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
