but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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