I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
