MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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