I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
