my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
