we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
