We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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