Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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