her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
