the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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