how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
