I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
