We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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