So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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