we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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