shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
