you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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