I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
