Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
