Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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