you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
