Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry about my life...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
