Kiss
Puke
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
