Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize