Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize