I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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