Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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