I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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