i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
