Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
