I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
