Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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