dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
