I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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