I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
