Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
