you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
