I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
