My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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