Moan for me like Helen Keller
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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