I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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