I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
