god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
