it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
