nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
where am i from again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
