What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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