if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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