But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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