If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
